running...a lot

Well, the marathon is complete. I must say that it went better than expected and I am proud. I was in so much pain afterwards - a volunteer actually came up to me right after I passed the finish line to ask if I was okay - but it is subsiding quickly. I iced my knees yesterday and they don't hurt at all today! The last three miles were brutal, but I was spurred on by the crowd, a loud cheer from a good friend, the thought of Ian waiting for me at the end, and, eventually, the sight of the finish line. It went by pretty fast actually, though in the moment those last few miles were endless. I am thankful that I never really hit a wall, I just got a bit tired about mile 22. I didn't walk at all! During long runs I take a stretch and fluid break, about one minute, every four miles, and I did that five times. Other than that, I was running. This has been one of my life-long goals, so to have achieved it is quite exciting. Now I just need to work on that novel...

I am heading to Philadelphia this weekend for my cousin's wedding. I am really excited to see everyone, and I'll get to see my sister and Pops. I am just feeling a little stressed with schoolwork and trying to see people. When I first got here, I was reading two books a week and watching movies leisurely. I haven't read a book outside of class in almost four weeks! Agh! I love love love seeing people on the weekends and hanging out, but it has been difficult not having that time to catch up on sleep and work. And before I know it, my evenings are taken up with visiting, running errands, or attending plays, etc. I need to plan a different schedule next semester.

All in all, I am ridiculously happy. I have an air of feeling let down though, as I got to experience what it would be like to have Ian here - the combination of my two perfect worlds - and now he is back in SLC. It's quite depressing. I wish I could have him and school in the same place. Soon, soon, I hope.

rants

I have a few things I would like to rant about:

Harriet Miers. Scariest-looking woman alive. What is up with that eye-liner? I don't trust her one bit. I don't think she's nearly as Democratic as she seems and I don't understand why Republicans are so up in arms about her. She's hiding something, and she and Bush are up to no good, in my opinion. I am scared for the future of individual rights and women's rights. How could someone so unqualified be asked to be on the Supreme Court? You all know how I feel about Bush...idiot.

I've been reading about the woman from Little Rock, Arkansas, who just had her 16th child. I remember reading about her last year when she had her 15th child. Are you kidding me? She and her husband, a Senator or some form of politician, are conservative Christians who say that each child is a blessing from God. And they want more! Imagine if she had one child biologically and then adopted 15 more. 15 children would now have a home and a loving family. Even having six biologically and adopting 10 would be better than what they're doing. I don't think government should regulate how many children people could have (I guess I hope that people would have enough of a conscience to realize they are destroying the planet by contributing to overpopulation), but what a shame. In families that big, the older siblings are the ones who take care of everyone else, because there is no way a mother can adequately care for 16 children. Is that fair to the older kids? The God I know sees adoption as a pretty big blessing (I love you Levi!). Not to mention that all 16 of these kids have names that start with "J,"including Jedediah and Jinger. Ugh. Apparently this family sees kids as a blessing as long as those kids are theirs. Idiots.

Ah, Muni. My beloved Muni bus. Could I use you as my main transportation for the next two years and still remain sane? We shall see...My questions is this: Why would someone, when there are ROWS of empty seats around me, sit in the seat right next to me? Crowded bus - sure, no problem. But I was literally irritated to the bone. Where there is enough of it, because it happens so rarely on Muni, I want my space! I don't particularly want to brush elbows with a stranger when it is unnecessary. But this person sat next to me, pushing me against the wall of the bus, and there were more than 10 empty seats around me. So weird. And why, Muni, why are you always so late and sporadic? If I can get a seat and read and ignore the claustrophobia being created around me, I am okay. But I sure am frustrated when the bus doesn't show up. We'll see how I feel in two years...

In other news, Juan's murderer was caught. He was 19 years old. A shame. I am hoping for both justice and rehabilitation.

I have too much to do and too little time...My goal is to post at least once a week. Keep me honest!

Days until the marathon: 4

insanity?

So yesterday, I spent the afternoon running. Not that I went for a run yesterday afternoon, but I spent the afternoon running. Three and a half hours. From 1:50 - 5:25. Oh my god. I didn't think it was possible. Days until the marathon (for which I finally feel prepared): 11

I turned in my first graduate English paper yesterday. I have never worked so hard on a six-page paper before! And I didn't even stay up all night! (MAT work sample, anyone?) I still got five hours of sleep. I wrote about Glenway Wescott, a very revered but unknown American writer of the expatriate 20's. I wrote about the homosexual undertones in his novel The Pilgrim Hawk. It was so interesting! I really hope it's a good paper because I spent a lot of time on it.

I have been offered a job as a middle school tutor! Yay! I'll be working two afternoons a week. I won't earn as much as I would have at the natural food store because the hours are so few, but it will certainly supplement and my stress levels will be greatly reduced.

After my hectic weeks of paper-writing and working at the evil store, my apartment is a disaster and I feel in desperate need of a facial, a massage, a yoga class, and sleep....If only I were rich. I will have to make do with Kaia and Lost: Season 1. Which, come to think of it, actually sounds pretty good.

Days until Ian gets to see my life in San Francisco: 9

tragedy

Last week was very difficult. I found out that one of my students from last year, who was only 15, was killed quite senselessly. Another teenager stabbed him on the street, probably gang-related though Juan wasn't in a gang at the time. This was something I was hoping never to experience as a teacher. Juan was a very talented artist and was better at symbolism in literature as a freshman than most of my upperclassmen. At the end of the semester I had my students write me a letter and I found Juan's. It was a very positive letter and very comforting. I felt pretty out of it most of the week and thought about him constantly. The sadness is more intermittent now. In some ways, it makes me more thankful that I'm not at McKay anymore, though I would have liked to have been close enough to attend the services. It is never easy finding out that someone you care about is gone. If you would like to see pictures of Juan and his artwork, please go to http://www.williambragg.com/juan/.

crap jobs

Back in SF, I have decided to quit my job at the natural food store. The manager is mean with a capital M. It's just not worth it. I am working way too much and when I pointed out that she scheduled me for more hours than I can work, she told me that my schedule was very hard to work around and that she would like a little support and respect in return. What? She scheduled me for 30 hours in 4 days when I was quite clear about only being able to work 10-15 hours a week. I also changed my flight to Philadelphia for my cousin's wedding from Thursday to Friday just so I could work Thursday. I was barely going to make the rehearsal dinner. (Since my decision I have changed my flight back to Thursday.) I consider that a pretty big compromise. And she made a comment about giving me an opportunity and giving me a job...I'm sorry - I don't consider working at a grocery store a privilege! I consider it a necessity I can fulfill elsewhere. Poo on you lady! If you only hired me because you had an immediate need, and not because you actually wanted to work with me, don't complain to me about it and you might want to treat me a little more nicely, and good luck finding someone else you can train in 20 minutes! Not bitter at all I tell you...she sucks.

anniversary

I am way behind in my blogging (sorry Urmila!), so I am posting several blogs in one day.

I went to SLC this weekend to celebrate with Ian our four-year anniversary. Four years! Holy crap.
But we had an amazing time and are as in love as ever. I was spoiled rotten too, which is always fun. We got to spend the weekend relaxing and enjoying fall in Slick City. On Saturday we had lunch with Heather (his sister), saw his parents for a little while, and then Ian rode his bike alongside me while I ran. He took me to a fondue restaurant and had roses come to the table - so cool. And the food was excellent. Sunday morning we had lunch with his family and then took a walk around this lake surrounded by fall trees. They were so beautiful! Bright yellow and gold. It was very nice. We are more determined to make this separation work. I am probably going to spend January in SLC doing temp work, so we will have a month together between semesters. And some good news: Ian is going to Peru for spring break to do some medical service through his school! Pretty amazing. We are also hoping to go to Africa next summer!! More details when I know them...

I am making some more friends. Yay! I found my three best guy friends from high school - Chris, Caleb, and Jeff - and they are all still in the Bay Area. Unfortunately Caleb is moving to Florida in a few weeks. (What is it with Florida?) But I will see him before he leaves. I am so excited to hang out with these guys because I haven't seen them in so long! I expect some crazy shenanigans. I love crazy shenanigans...bring it on.

the learn-ed

I think this is going to be the most conservative viewpoint I have ever had. It's so not liberal I'm a little ashamed, but after teaching in the public school system and observing a state university, I believe this. Maybe someone can talk me out of it...so here goes.

Why does the education system make so many allegiances for students who are not at the right grade level? Why are students who haven't mastered subject-verb agreement in college? I just don't get it. The prevailing attitude in public education was that it was the school's responsibility to maintain a child's self-esteem. Can't hold em back a year, it will hurt their feelings! Can't put them in a remedial class, it will lower their self-esteem! Can't tell them they need to actually study on their own time and PRATICE what they learn, it might permanently damage their egos! Why is that?

Okay...tangent. I understand the significance of being the first one in a family to continue an education after high school, or to even graduate high school for that matter. But if you are in an English class in college that is technically a high school or even middle school-level class, are we really doing that student a favor? Congratulations on being a college student (though you read at a 9th-grade level - but that's okay, take English 48.) I say they should definitely continue their education and take continuing education classes, but if you are not ready for college on a very structurally basic level, when will you learn those skills? I'm not saying these people aren't intelligent and I'm sure they have talents and amazing ideas, but when does communication become important enough to say...okay good, I'm talking myself out of it! Maybe someone sucks at English but is a brilliant mathemetician. Should they be denied mathematical theory because they can't spell? I suppose not. But there is a difference between grammar skills and ideological skills. I've encountered some pretty dim students at my university, students who can't communicate a basic question or follow-through on a professor's instructions. How did they get here? Don't students have to demonstrate a certain written and/or communcation ability to get into college? I had to write an entrance essay - don't others do too? I've read some of these papers - college students - and they can't write a coherent sentence to save their life. And they got through high school with probably even poorer skills than now. Maybe I'm a cold-hearted intellectual snob...well, so be it. I just don't get why and how they are here. College used to be college for a reason - not everyone goes. Seek all options available to you, but sink or swim.

I just don't understand why we give high school students so many outs. They can "pass" a class with a D. They can fail 20 - 20! - classes and still graduate on time. For classes they don't pass and need for graduation, they can take alternative education and fill out a packet or two and bingo! diploma for you. We are doing them a disservice! They get to college and then some girl working in the tutoring center rants about their lack of ability...But seriously, many of them never understand what it means to work hard in school, to appreciate their free education, to take advantage of the opportunities available to them. And why should they? They get into college anyway.

Blogs are supposed to be short, so I'll clam shut my conservative views for now. I tell you, I'm not proud, but I can't stand this aspect of education. You have to have skills to do anything else - why should college be any different?

my first blog ever...

We'll see how long I can keep it up! Thanks to the inspiration of Urmila, I've decided to start my own blog. Maybe by emptying the ramblings in my head, as good writers are supposed to do, I will hope not to sleep better but to not have to sleep so much. I think the churnings of my head weigh me down.
So the good news is that I completed a 14-mile run today. And I had energy to spare and was booking it pretty quick at the end. So I am feeling more confident as the marathon approaches. I am definitely tired and am currently icing my shins, but I feel good.

To explain my blog's title: it is from a discussion in my literature class. We are studying expatriates of the 1920's who went to Paris, such as Gertrude Stein, Ernest Hemingway, James Joyce. We've spent a lot of time so far talking about the women of the Left Bank and why they were there. Mainly it was so they could be artists and lesbians in a culture that didn't condemn them for it. My professor was telling us about a time in a previous class when they were discussing Edna, the main character in Kate Chopin's The Awakening. She asked them what Edna's choices were, rather than choosing to do what she did (I won't give it away to those who want to read it someday...it's very good) and a student said, "Edna should have gone to Paris." She could have been free there. I loved that statement, so I am working on a short story with that title. I feel free here now too. So thanks to that student and hooray for Paris!

Countdown to the marathon: 40 days